CHAIN OF COMMAND

THE COLONEL TO THE EXECUTIVE:
At nine o'clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.

THE EXECUTIVE TO THE CAPTAIN:
By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at nine o'clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym, something that does not occur every day.

THE CAPTAIN TO THE LIEUTENANT:
By order of the Colonel in fatigues tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The Colonel will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.

THE LIEUTENANT TO THE SERGEANT:
Tomorrow at nine o'clock the Colonel in fatigues will eclipse the Sun in the gym, as it occurs every day. If it is a nice day you will fall out in the company street.

THE SERGEANT TO THE CORPORAL: Tomorrow at nine the eclipse of the Colonel in fatigues will take place because of the Sun. If it rains in the gym, something which does not take place every day, you will fall out in the company street.

COMMENTS AMONG THE PRIVATES: Tomorrow, if it rains, it looks as if the Sun will eclipse the Colonel in the gym. It is a shame that this does not occur every day.

"Army of One" vs. "Army of Fun"

The Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army (CIRCA) occupied the
military recruitment center in downtown Oakland for about 45 minutes
until we were forced out and the center shut down for the day.
Gooooo Clowns! (Lots of silly pictures)

Military Squirrel

A "Personals" Ad From The Pentagon

ENEMY WANTED -- Mature, lonely, North American superpower seeks hostile-sounding and muscular-looking but internally moribund nation for international competitive bluster, mutual threat inflation, political-military gymnastics, and general bellicose finger pointing. Looking to fill post-Cold War ennui and lost missile envy. Scare-mongers who relish dogmatic confrontation, able to appear 10 feet tall, and willing to build real and imaginary mirror image weapon systems need only apply. Must appear sufficiently menacing to frighten more money and previous Cold War-era weapon systems out of Congress, but must threaten only opponent's marginal interests, and must not present any real intellectual challenge. Accompaniment by fierce, Third World allies who know how to fight is also not desirable. Oafish, senile leaders definitely a plus. Possession of large, phallic ballistic missiles (large throw weight only), and/or chem-bio also a plus--willful violations of feckless arms control agreements will earn continuing thanks. Location: preferably near enough to threaten petroleum and trade markets to ensure perpetual business as usual.
Reply with videos of goose-stepping troops, parade-optimized tank battalions, U.S. flag burnings, chanting, dazed eyed crowds, and haranguing, incoherent speeches. Send c/o "Shali," The Pentagon, Washington, D.C. Please no publicity shy competents or third world nations that have previously embarrassed advertiser.

Military Planner's Rule of Management

Adapted from "Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook" by Scott Adams

1. The Boss is always right, even when he is stupid.
2. The physical laws of time and space were meant to be broken.
3. The problem is not a lack of resources, it's a lack of meetings.
4. When in doubt, ask for status reports.
5. If the Boss is talking, then he's communicating.
6. Low morale is caused by character flaws in the planners.
7. If ten people can complete a plan in ten days, then one person can complete the plan in one day.
8. Teamwork is when other people do your work for you.
9. Sickness in a planner is a manifestation of laziness.
10. Abuse is a form of recognition. And recognition is what every planner wants.

Russian milirary humor

A soldier is being led to the place of his execution.
-Some bad weather we`re having,-he says to his convoy.
-Look who`s complaining, they say, we have to go back.

Russian and American submarines

German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him. The captain asked the fisherman: "Have You seen any Russian submarines lately?" "Yes, I have, they went to north-east", the fisherman replied.
"Thanks very much", and off they went, to north-east... After some time, Russian submarine surfaced, and their commander asked the same fisherman, "Have You seen any American submarines lately?"
Fishermans answer was the same: "Yes, and they went to north-east."
"What?", asked russian submarines commander.
"I said, they went to north-east!"
"What a hell means north-east, You'd better show us the direction with your hand, if You don't want us to sink you!"

REALISM

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
http://miljokes.com

Mom's wisdom

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one: "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training" scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question: "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"