On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
BEGINNER'S PLUCK
When he came home on leave after short service in the Army his parents asked him how he liked his first months in the Army.
"You know," he said, "A six-year old boy was also asked how he liked his very first day at school. He replied: 'Guess what, Mom? They want me back I could answer in the same way.' "
"You know," he said, "A six-year old boy was also asked how he liked his very first day at school. He replied: 'Guess what, Mom? They want me back I could answer in the same way.' "
You might have a redneck in your military unit if...
... the cadence calls he wrote for the unit, are accompanied by dueling banjos.
... he keeps asking the MPs to take the guard dogs hunting.
... his ACUs have cut off sleeves.
... he asks if you have a tank made by John Deere.
... he thinks "Smokey and the Bandit" was a war film.
... you notice during inspection that his bunk has two holes in the bed sheet.
... he thinks BDUs are formal wear.
... his uniform nametape says "Billy Bob".
... he puts deer whistles on the front of the tank.
... he has a gun rack on his backpack.
... he asks which M.R.E. has 'possum
... he throws himself up against the wall every time the MPs walk by.
... you find live bait in his footlocker.
... he puts an 8-track tape player in the humvee.
... if he refers to the field latrine as 'modern technology'.
... he tries to design a new beret, out of a hubcap.
... he needs little training during basic on how to throw a grenade. How many times can he get by with 'pull pin, throw pin, wait for explosion'?
... he keeps asking the MPs to take the guard dogs hunting.
... his ACUs have cut off sleeves.
... he asks if you have a tank made by John Deere.
... he thinks "Smokey and the Bandit" was a war film.
... you notice during inspection that his bunk has two holes in the bed sheet.
... he thinks BDUs are formal wear.
... his uniform nametape says "Billy Bob".
... he puts deer whistles on the front of the tank.
... he has a gun rack on his backpack.
... he asks which M.R.E. has 'possum
... he throws himself up against the wall every time the MPs walk by.
... you find live bait in his footlocker.
... he puts an 8-track tape player in the humvee.
... if he refers to the field latrine as 'modern technology'.
... he tries to design a new beret, out of a hubcap.
... he needs little training during basic on how to throw a grenade. How many times can he get by with 'pull pin, throw pin, wait for explosion'?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Prediction methods for MTBF
By Stalker, Edward, Capt AFLMA
Arrived in my Email with a garbled return address. From context, it looks like a British or Australian document.
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SHORT COMMUNICATIONS
RELIABILITY PREDICTION USING ALTERNATIVE METHODS*
1. INTRODUCTION
1.1 Alternative methods may be used for predicting reliability, when approved by the Project Manager. This section outlines these methods and the conditions under which they may be applied.
2. METHODS 2.1 The alternative methods covered by this section are:
(a) Crystal ball (b) Astrological (c) Wet finger (d) Miscellaneous techniques (Tarot cards, ouija boards, etc.) (e) Witchcraft These will be discussed, in turn.
2.2 Crystal ball Crystal balls may be used, if operated by qualified personnel. Qualified personnel include gypsies and other operators approved by NATO AQAP-1, and reliability engineers in AQAP- 1 approved companies. Crystal balls must be calibrated against master standards in accordance with AQAP-6.
2.3 Astrology Astrological prediction methods may be used, but only as applied by AQAP-1 approved astrological scientists. Use of astrological data from daily newspapers, etc., is not acceptable, as these do not necessarily meet approval criteria and are not traceable. For astrological predictions, the dates of birth of the following must be provided:
(a) Project managers (MOD and supplier) (b) Senior reliability engineer (c) Chief designer (d) Secretaries of above, if they are evaluated as likely to affect attitudes, motivation and performance. (e) All the people who will make any part of the system. ( These data are only required when prediction accuracy of better than 0.001 percent is required).
2.4 Wet finger This is a simple and popular method, particularly among project managers. Since little expertise is required, it is a low-cost method. It features some of the disadvantages of the witchcraft methods (see below), but the secondary effects are less unpredictable, particularly if the personnel making the predictions are replaced or forget what the prediction was.
2.5 Miscellaneous methods Other methods may be used, e.g. Tarot cards, ouija boards, tea leaves, etc., but only by qualified staff or consultants approved as above. In any case, appropriate data must be provided as required by the operator.
2.6 Witchcraft Witchcraft may be used. However, this method of prediction is a reliability forcing process, rather than a prediction. Great care must be exercised to ensure that only achievable, conservative MTBF values are forced in this way, since death, serious injury, or madness can result if personnel observe failures or running times which lead to MTBFs different to the set values. There are no defence or Military standards for witches, so operator selection is difficult. It is advisable to employ one or more witches on a project, preferably as part of the reliability team, if this method is to be used. However, care must be exercised to ensure that they confine their powers to the reliability requirement. Security clearance can sometimes present further difficulties, particularly for non- NATO practitioners such as witch doctors, obeah men voodoo priests, etc. Note: Secretaries should not be asked to perform these rites, even when appearance indicate likely competence.
3. PREDICTION ACCURACY
3.1 These alternative methods described generally provide much more accurate reliability predictions than the other techniques described in this standard, e.g. MIL-HDBK-217E. In most cases individual failure events, not merely MTBFs, can be predicted, if appropriate resources are applied.
* Editor's note; This document was found circulating in official corridors. It is reproduced for information, without comment.
Arrived in my Email with a garbled return address. From context, it looks like a British or Australian document.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHORT COMMUNICATIONS
RELIABILITY PREDICTION USING ALTERNATIVE METHODS*
1. INTRODUCTION
1.1 Alternative methods may be used for predicting reliability, when approved by the Project Manager. This section outlines these methods and the conditions under which they may be applied.
2. METHODS 2.1 The alternative methods covered by this section are:
(a) Crystal ball (b) Astrological (c) Wet finger (d) Miscellaneous techniques (Tarot cards, ouija boards, etc.) (e) Witchcraft These will be discussed, in turn.
2.2 Crystal ball Crystal balls may be used, if operated by qualified personnel. Qualified personnel include gypsies and other operators approved by NATO AQAP-1, and reliability engineers in AQAP- 1 approved companies. Crystal balls must be calibrated against master standards in accordance with AQAP-6.
2.3 Astrology Astrological prediction methods may be used, but only as applied by AQAP-1 approved astrological scientists. Use of astrological data from daily newspapers, etc., is not acceptable, as these do not necessarily meet approval criteria and are not traceable. For astrological predictions, the dates of birth of the following must be provided:
(a) Project managers (MOD and supplier) (b) Senior reliability engineer (c) Chief designer (d) Secretaries of above, if they are evaluated as likely to affect attitudes, motivation and performance. (e) All the people who will make any part of the system. ( These data are only required when prediction accuracy of better than 0.001 percent is required).
2.4 Wet finger This is a simple and popular method, particularly among project managers. Since little expertise is required, it is a low-cost method. It features some of the disadvantages of the witchcraft methods (see below), but the secondary effects are less unpredictable, particularly if the personnel making the predictions are replaced or forget what the prediction was.
2.5 Miscellaneous methods Other methods may be used, e.g. Tarot cards, ouija boards, tea leaves, etc., but only by qualified staff or consultants approved as above. In any case, appropriate data must be provided as required by the operator.
2.6 Witchcraft Witchcraft may be used. However, this method of prediction is a reliability forcing process, rather than a prediction. Great care must be exercised to ensure that only achievable, conservative MTBF values are forced in this way, since death, serious injury, or madness can result if personnel observe failures or running times which lead to MTBFs different to the set values. There are no defence or Military standards for witches, so operator selection is difficult. It is advisable to employ one or more witches on a project, preferably as part of the reliability team, if this method is to be used. However, care must be exercised to ensure that they confine their powers to the reliability requirement. Security clearance can sometimes present further difficulties, particularly for non- NATO practitioners such as witch doctors, obeah men voodoo priests, etc. Note: Secretaries should not be asked to perform these rites, even when appearance indicate likely competence.
3. PREDICTION ACCURACY
3.1 These alternative methods described generally provide much more accurate reliability predictions than the other techniques described in this standard, e.g. MIL-HDBK-217E. In most cases individual failure events, not merely MTBFs, can be predicted, if appropriate resources are applied.
* Editor's note; This document was found circulating in official corridors. It is reproduced for information, without comment.
Harmonica
A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much !"
The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much !"
The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."
Friday, September 22, 2006
A soldier, a marine, and an airman
A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “WhichBranch of Service is the best?”
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note inits beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each oneof you has served your country well. Be proud of that.
(signed)GOD, USN (Ret.)”
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “WhichBranch of Service is the best?”
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note inits beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each oneof you has served your country well. Be proud of that.
(signed)GOD, USN (Ret.)”
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