Are you a real MARINE?

A MARINE dressed to kill with Marine shirt, hat, and Dress Blue Slacks went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his Hawaiian Punch, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink, she turned to the Marine and asked him: "Are you a real Marine?" To which he replied: "Well, I have spent my whole life in the Marine Corps, herding soldiers, breaking into a sweat, and being an asshole. I guess I am a real Marine." After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied: "I've never been in the Marine Corps, so I'm not a Marine, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. For instance, as soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the Marine ordered another Hawaiian Punch. A couple sat down next to him and asked: "Are you a real MARINE?" He replied: "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

What time is it?

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."