Military Affairs

Three men met at a military function and started to introduce themselves to one another.First man: I am a Major in the Air Force, married, have two sons – one is a doctor and the other a lawyer.Second man: I am a Major in the Marines, married, have two sons – one is a businessman and the other a company chief executive.Third man: I am a Private in the Army, unmarried, have two sons – and both are Majors!

Military Duty Hours

MARINES: Reveille at 05:00, train until 20:00.
ARMY: Reveille at 06:00, train until 19:00.
NAVY: Get out of bed at 09:00, train until 11:00, lunch until 13:00, train until 16:00.
AIR FORCE: Awaken at 10:00, breakfast in bed, train from 11:00 to 12:00, lunch at 12:00, train from 13:00 to 14:00, nap at 14:00, awaken from nap at 15:00, training ceases at 15:00.

Are you a real MARINE?

A MARINE dressed to kill with Marine shirt, hat, and Dress Blue Slacks went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his Hawaiian Punch, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink, she turned to the Marine and asked him: "Are you a real Marine?" To which he replied: "Well, I have spent my whole life in the Marine Corps, herding soldiers, breaking into a sweat, and being an asshole. I guess I am a real Marine." After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied: "I've never been in the Marine Corps, so I'm not a Marine, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. For instance, as soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the Marine ordered another Hawaiian Punch. A couple sat down next to him and asked: "Are you a real MARINE?" He replied: "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

A soldier, a marine, and an airman

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.
Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “WhichBranch of Service is the best?”
St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”
Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note inits beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each oneof you has served your country well. Be proud of that.
(signed)GOD, USN (Ret.)”

Military Talk

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.